Farewell Fluffy, rest in peace

Last week one of my best friends, Omar (aka Loki, Greyhavoc, HA2 and Fluffy) was found dead. Freakishly enough I was close to the scene when he was discovered; the bridge to Leiden was closed off for traffic due to a police investigation and forced me to take an alternate route. The police investigation turned out to be the examination of a scene with a body of a 34 year old man, who turned out to be my friend.

The moment I heard the news it was like a bomb was dropped on my world.

Reading the news article from the AD (a Dutch newspaper) I really got upset when some passer-by (quoted by the paper) said: “It’s probably some vagabond”, not knowing what the hell she was talking about. (Seriously, if you don’t know keep your fucking assumptions to yourself). I’ve therefore decided to share to some detail who he was.

Omar was one of my best friends, which I’ve known for most of my life. We got together when I was in high school through my other best friend, Asad. Throughout the years we formed a trinity, which spend a lot of time together gaming, playing, having fun, helping each other out when needed and just hung out. Despite the fact he was very opinionated and sometimes could get on your nerves he was always there for his friends and would give you the shirt of his back if you’d need it.

Omar’s life wasn’t easy. He had to endure several hardships and indignities most people wouldn’t even consider. He’s been beaten close to death once by four people for gesturing to them to watch out when they almost ran him over on a pedestrian crossing. In that instance law failed him miserably; the people who had beaten him to an inch of his live got community service and civil suit for compensation dragged on so long that at the end he had to abandon it due to his health and emotional state.

With that his dreams of becoming an army officer seemed unattainable. Regardless, he went through and got in anyway. After several months of training he decided it was not for him; both his physical condition due to the thrashing and his mental ability to deal with the verbal abuse made him reconsider his career choice. He ended up going to law school and moved to Leiden. This is where things went sour in a major way.

In a mix of 3 jobs to pay for college and housing, the stress he experienced from several long lasting and heated arguments with family, the stress of his university studies Omar started to slip away in the fall of 2004. By the time we realized something when terribly wrong Omar was in a full blown state of psychosis. He was diagnosed to have some form of schizophrenia and got medicated out of his brain. They changed his medication several times. The longest time he managed to cope but with severe IBS, which disrupted his life even further.

Regardless of this all he still managed to go out and was the ring bearer for my wedding. We had a lot of good times with role-playing, Singstar/Rockband, LAN-parties and other things. He helped in my house when I moved, regardless of his own health issues and always tried to add a cheerful note whenever he was there.

Unfortunately the psychosis would not go away and even with medication it would emerge (it’s funny how people have absolute trust in medication; I’ve learned to know their limitations really well through him). He’d always turned to me if he felt himself slipping, trying to verify reality on my assessment. It was necessary for him sometimes to distinct reality from psychosis and it helped him know when to seek help again. Unfortunately this time around he checked himself in, went for a walk a few days later and (presumably in a heavy psychosis) lost his way and ended up dead.

Now he’s gone.

I know he will be at peace now; he deserves to be at rest. I am going to miss him terribly much and I know I will not be alone. The funeral and the wake showed how many people cared for him. A rare thing for someone with schizophrenia since they tend to alienate themselves. It is a statement for the sort of person he was.

Omar, I will remember you for all the good times we had, for the ways you have enriched my life and that of others. I will remember you for the good person you were: opinionated but honest, always aspiring to do good and live up to the highest of standards (sometimes expecting the same from others). I will even remember your irony/sarcasm, your lack of sense for subtlety (dubbed Iraqi subtlety), your ability to show up late (the Iraqi 5-minutes) and every other quirk you possessed, simply because they define you.

The Islam teaches that after the last person takes 40 steps from your final resting place you will be visited in your grave by two angels, who will ask you about your faith and your life. I have taken my 40 steps now.

Be at peace Omar. I will miss you.

Update: I’ve added the article from the newspaper to the post.